Q. I am a 27-year-old man. I am currently dating (but not really dating) two women. The first woman is 42 and extremely attractive. She is married, though. Her husband travels for work and is gone roughly two weeks out of every month. We have a lot of great sex when he is away. Our interactions are mostly physical. We don’t go out, but I do like her and spending time with her. We don’t really communicate when her husband is home and I am fine with that. I fully realize this relationship has no long-term potential.
The second woman, a friend, is 25. She is also extremely attractive. She has been dating a woman for about a year. We are together maybe a few times a month because she likes being with a man once in a while. We are friends with benefits. Our relationship differs in that it is not mostly physical. We spend time together. I highly doubt this relationship has long-term potential, though.
I like both of these women and each situation. I don’t want to end it with either. I’m not looking for a deep relationship, but it would be nice to know that one is possible. I don’t see how I am going to develop anything with someone while sort of dating these two women, though. Is this an either/or situation, or can I meet someone while still seeing these two women?
— Sort of Dating
A. It does sound like you have the hours to meet new people. You’re only seeing these women a few days at a time, and one is only available half of the month.
Do you have the space in your brain for more? I can’t guess. It would be interesting to go on some app dates to see if you can concentrate, and if you have any curiosity about someone you don’t already know. It might be exciting to spend time with someone who’s free to do more. Or ... maybe not. If you have the energy, have coffee with a stranger. Ask questions. See how it feels.
I do think that when you’re ready for a more significant relationship, you’ll distance yourself from one or both of these women. I believe you’ll hit a wall, want something different, and make space. Writing this letter might be a first step. You’ve started the process by asking, “Can this happen? How would it work?” The next move might involve change. You’re just not there yet.
Of course it’s possible to meet someone new. At some point, you’ll have to decide whether you want to turn “possible” into “likely.” If your priorities change, you’ll want to arrange your life so someone can join you.
— Meredith
READERS RESPOND
This is more of a time management question than a love letter. If you want to meet other people, make time to do so. This may involve seeing one or both of these other unavailable women less. THENURSE
Someday when you are married, you will realize how wrong this woman is for doing this to her husband. LITTLEPENGUIN456
Please send Mere an update when the husband returns home unexpectedly from one of these trips. STRIPEYCAT
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