When two people fall madly in love, they are in love with either who they see in each other, or who they think they see, or who the person is presenting themselves to be. Often, they fall “in love” with how they are being loved, rather than how much love they actually feel for the other person.
But unless they have each done deep healing work on their fears of rejection (the fear of losing the other person) and their fears of engulfment (the fear of losing themselves in the relationship), inevitably these fears will emerge in the relationship. When they do, controlling behavior also emerges.
Whether it’s overt control (such as the anger or blame that come from an anxious attachment style stemming from a fear of rejection) or covert control (such as the compliance, resistance, or withdrawal that stem from an avoidant attachment style), controlling behavior erodes in-love feelings.
Keeping the love between you alive means that, when your fears of loss of other or loss of self emerge, you decide to utilize the relationship to learn and heal rather than to protect against what you fear with your various forms of controlling behavior.
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August 18, 2020 at 05:25PM
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What Makes Love Fade In Long-Term Relationships? A Psychologist Explains - mindbodygreen.com
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