A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend and I set out to climb Bear Peak. We’ve not been out much this season and it is a short, but very steep, hike to the top.
My legs were on fire, they felt so weak. I was short of breath. I started having thoughts like: “What’s wrong with you?” “You’ve lost strength and stamina.” “You’re not in the shape you used to be in.” “You’re deteriorating.”
I was making the pain mean that something was wrong. My thoughts about the pain were making me fearful and discouraged. This made it so much harder to climb. I was miserable and wanted to quit.
Then I took a deep breath and became conscious of my thoughts. I recognized the storm of negative thinking that was turning my pain into suffering. I consciously chose new thoughts: “The pain means you’re building muscle.” “There is nothing wrong with your body.” “This is exactly how it’s supposed to feel.”
With those thoughts, the pain lessened, and I felt invigorated. I wanted to keep going. I actually began to enjoy the feeling of my legs aching and my lungs burning, knowing I was becoming stronger every second.
I made the pain mean that something was right and it changed everything.
The meaning we give something determines our experience.
Leaving behind familiar habits, ending unhealthy relationships, changing jobs, learning a new skill, drawing boundaries with people you love — these things come with pain.
We can either make the pain mean that something is wrong, or we can make it mean that we are doing something right.
Our survival brains tell us if it’s hurting, it’s bad, and we should stop. We are wired to interpret pain signals as warnings that we should go back to the cave and stay there. But how often have we been moving toward something we want and when it becomes uncomfortable, we run back to safety?
In moments when pain is present and we find ourselves wanting to retreat or buffer. we can take a deep breath and invite in our conscious minds and ask the question, “Am I truly in danger, or does this pain mean I am growing?”
When we change the meaning, the pain actually lessens, and we find renewed strength. Most of our suffering comes from resistance to the pain. If you’ve ever given birth or are familiar with the process, you know that labor contractions are painful. However, if we tense up in fear, it significantly increases the pain. Women in labor are taught to breathe into the contraction, to not resist it. When we do, it becomes much more tolerable. That pain has a purpose, and it’s a necessary part of bringing a new life into the world. It’s a good pain.
We’ve all heard the saying, “No pain, no gain.” But I want to offer that we can tolerate the pain of growth without suffering when we change our thoughts about the discomfort.
It’s expected that when we move out of what is familiar, we’ll experience some type of pain. For example, leaving a bad relationship can cause loneliness and fear. We may experience heartbreak and doubt ourselves for leaving. If we make that pain mean something is wrong we might return to the relationship, or enter into another one too quickly. However, if we accept the pain and change the dialogue in our minds that this pain is natural and necessary and leading toward growth, then we can continue to move forward without fear and suffering. We can breathe into the discomfort and allow the pain to make us stronger.
The next time you find yourself in a seemingly unbearable situation, I invite you to ask yourself, “‘Is this pain moving me closer toward my goals?” If it is, embracing the pain can entirely change your experience and who knows? You might enjoy it a little.
Rebecca Stark is a Mastery Certified Health and Life Coach. She is the owner of Rebecca Stark Coaching. You can contact her at 720-412-6148 or visit rebeccastarkcoaching.com. If you have questions you would like answered in this article, please submit to rebeccastarkcoaching@gmail.com.
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