Even among people who outwardly claim they want a more equal relationship (i.e. a symmetrical relationship), women in heterosexual couples still end up saddled with the bulk of the household chores—particularly the invisible labor involved in keeping the household and relationship moving, sometimes referred to as the mental load.
The mental load refers to being the one in charge of managing who's in charge of what, overseeing tasks to make sure they get done, reminding the other person to get their share of the tasks done, and being the person who has to plan everything. It disproportionately falls on women and has been linked to negative health consequences.
In complementary relationships, Earnshaw notes that "couples could potentially find 'fairness' in [that] distribution of the mental load (i.e. women doing all of it)."
In symmetrical relationships, couples often divide up household chores and childcare equally—but they forget to account for this mental load, mostly because as a culture we've simply socialized women to automatically take up this role and socialized men to not even register this invisible labor their partners are doing for them.
"There is a conscious agreement that things will be mostly equal," Earnshaw explains, but "it doesn't usually happen that way because women must learn to let the mental load muscle atrophy a bit and men must learn to strengthen it."
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August 15, 2020 at 06:06PM
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Relationships Are Either Symmetrical Or Complementary—Which Is Yours? - mindbodygreen.com
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