As great as it can be for helping us stay connected with our friends and family, social media can spell trouble for couples.
As far back as 2013, studies revealed that high levels of Facebook use predicted negative relationship outcomes such as divorce and cheating. Instagram was just getting popular around that time — not to mention the rise of Snapchat and TikTok in the years that followed.
From snooping on your partner to flirting with exes and crushes to simply spending too much time online and not enough time with each other, there are plenty of opportunities to engage in destructive behavior online these days.
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AskMen spoke to a couple of experts about the ways social media can negatively impact your relationship — and what you can do to keep its influence in check. Here’s what they had to say:
How Social Media Can Harm Relationships
“As we continue to use social media even more in the years to come, everyone must take the time to understand its potential impacts so they can make informed decisions about its usage in their relationships,” says Kalley Hartman, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director at Ocean Recovery.
According to Hartman, some of the harmful effects of social media on relationships include increased jealousy and mistrust and decreased in-person quality time.
To make matters more complex, not everyone has the same relationship with social media. One partner may want to post cute couple pictures all the time, while the other is more private. One person may think that liking the photos of Instagram models is acceptable in a relationship, while the other may find it disrespectful. These differences can escalate into larger conflicts if not addressed.
There’s also the fact that the temptation to cheat is amplified online. Maybe you and your partner had a fight and you feel the urge to message that cute woman from the gym for validation. Perhaps your relationship has settled into a comfortable routine and you crave excitement.
You start comparing your everyday life with other people’s highlight reel and doubting your connection with your partner. It’s the whole idea of the grass being greener on the other side — and that other side is now only a DM away.
Tips to Prevent Social Media From Ruining Your Relationship
But fear not: With a little bit of awareness and communication, you can thrive without having to delete your Instagram account altogether. Instead, you can safeguard your relationship from the potential downfalls of social media use by adopting the tips below.
Be Mindful of What You Post
Dating and relationship expert Harman Awal says that being super active on social media isn't always the best idea when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you feel the urge to post a passive-aggressive quote after a fight, step away from your phone and find productive ways to resolve the conflict with your partner instead.
“Airing out your grievances over social media won't solve anything; in fact, it could make things worse,” says Awal. “It’s best to take a step back and think before you hit ‘post’ or ‘send’ — consider if what you’re sharing is something that will add value or just create drama.”
“Don't share things that are meant to be private between you as a couple,” Hartman adds — things like personal issues, money problems, etc. This is the type of information that should never be revealed without the consent of your partner.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Just like with other important topics in a relationship, setting healthy boundaries and clear expectations is key. Why should social media use be any different than discussing how you’ll manage shared finances or what you prefer in the bedroom?
“Make sure that both you and your partner have clear expectations about what kind of content is appropriate for each other on social media,” Awal says. “Is posting a PDA okay? Are political debates off-limits? Discussing these kinds of boundaries ahead of time will help prevent accidental slip-ups and reduce potential conflicts down the line.”
According to Hartman, you may also want to agree on ground rules about how much time is reasonable to spend on social media each day. Additionally, she recommends being open and honest with each other about how social media makes you feel: “Discuss any concerns that come up in a respectful way,” she says.
Put Your IRL Relationship First
If your scrolling is getting in the way of your relationship, you may want to reconsider your priorities. “If there ever comes the point where spending too much time online starts affecting your connection with your partner, it may be time to reevaluate how much screen time you’re getting each day,” says Awal.
If you and your SO spend lots of time engaging with each other online, make sure that you balance out your virtual interactions with real-life ones, adds Hartman. “Social media can be a great way to stay connected, but it should never take precedence over spending quality time with your partner. Make sure that you're carving out enough time away from screens to build and maintain your relationship,” she says.
Don't Fall Into the Comparison Trap
Some things depend on the type of person you are and the type of relationship you have. Others should be avoided at all costs, such as comparing yourself or your partner to others online.
According to Hartman, it can lead to feelings of inferiority and insecurity that can be damaging to a relationship. It’s just not a good idea – ‘comparison-itis’ can bleed into your relationship in subtle yet pervasive ways and it will also make you feel terrible.
Don't Spy on Each Other
Nothing erodes trust quicker than stalking your partner on social media. Yes, most of us have done it at one point or another, but that doesn’t mean that it’s healthy or helpful.
“It can be tempting to check up on what our partner is doing online, but it's important to remember that trust is essential for any healthy relationship,” Hartman says. “Resist the urge to snoop and focus instead on having honest conversations about any concerns you may have about social media use.”
RELATED: Snooped on Your Partner’s Phone? Here’s How to Move Forward
If you try everything above and still feel like social media is causing significant problems in your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. Whether those issues are arising because of insecurities, an inability to get on the same page or actual breaches of trust, it’s important to address them.
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