Marty Nemko
Some couples’ relationship deepens as time goes on. Alas, others wither into the humdrum or worse.
As always, there are no magic pills, but maybe one or more of these ideas can help improve your relationship:
Support local news coverage and the people who report it by subscribing to the Napa Valley Register. Special offer: $5 for your first 5 months!
Yes, sometimes, the standard advice helps: date nights, better communication, addressing underlying anger. But especially when the problem is mismatched sex drives, those may not work well enough.
If that is the case, you may want to accept that weakness in your relationship— all relationships have weaknesses — and instead, focus on the relationship’s positives and do activities together that work well for both of you, for example, cooking together, or playing with the kids or dog.
And here are some Napa-specific examples: playing pickleball at Linda Vista, attending or getting involved in theatre, for example, Napa’s Lucky Penny or Valley Players, going out to eat with friends, or taking out from one of Napa’ myriad good restaurants. (My wife and I love the affordable Wah Sing, Siam Thai House, and Brix’s fried chicken dinner-for-two takeout.)
Communication
Couples often differ in communication preferences. For example, one partner enjoys detailed processing while the other is “just the facts, please.”
If that’s your situation, you might experiment with this compromise: Each evening, each of you is entitled to one few-minute discussion of whatever, with the partner really listening, including asking clarifying questions. Of course, on a given day or even ongoing, either of you could opt to forgo their few minutes.
Especially in tight times, many couples argue about money. Is it time for a sit-down about whether one or both of you needs to bring in more income? Or whether and how to cut spending? Or even to increase spending? Some couples that have diligently saved have gotten into the habit of excessive thriftiness. If so, maybe it’s time to loosen the purse strings.
A few ideas: take that long-forgone trip, make your backyard into a place you’d enjoy hanging out, or give more to a non-profit or to an individual you know who’d make good use of the money. While the latter isn’t tax-deductible, you get the good feeling of knowing that 100 percent of the money will do good.
Couples’ arguments about kids are often rooted in their having different philosophies of parenting: Some are more laissez-faire; others more limit-setting.
Of course, how you parent will vary with the child’s age and needs but the following moderate approach may be worth discussing: Default to a relatively laissez-faire approach. That yields self-reliance and reduces opposition and your having to be so vigilant.
And when the child errs, try to build intrinsic motivation, for example, “I called you to the dinner table twice. We’re all waiting and dinner is getting cold. I’ve seen you be quite grown up. I know you can do better.”
That approach tends to build the internal desire to do the right thing rather than if you invoked an extrinsic, that is, a reward or threat, for example, “Get in here or there’s no dinner.”
The takeaway
Few relationships are made in heaven, but many can be made to work here on earth. Might one or more of the above improve your relationship?
The most realistic romance movies made us believe in true love.
Catch up on Napa County's top news stories
Get unlimited digital access to the Napa Valley Register for just $5 for your first 5 months! Enjoy every article without restrictions and find tons of subscriber-only perks, such as access to our daily eEdition. Click here for details!
Calistoga's Charlotte Williams has started a business renting out goats to graze through Napa Valley's abundant underbrush, reducing the fuel …
Amodel railroad group’s battle to stay at the Napa Valley Expo has reached the end of the line — and with it, more than half a century of buil…
Napa County's gross wine grape value for 2020 fell 50% amid the pandemic and wildfires.
All aboard! The Napa Valley Wine Train is initially offering a six-hour experience with a four-course meal and winery tours.
Firefighters at the scene of a fire at Bronco Wine Company’s south Napa storage center were able to save 90% of the warehouse structure and 80…
A Napa Superior Court jury found that a Napa State Hospital patient convicted in the 1980s of a horrific crime against a 3-month-old infant in…
With a $1 billion valuation, the home-sharing startup Pacaso is the business world’s newest unicorn. But neighbors of Pacaso’s St. Helena hous…
Napa County supervisors on Tuesday accepted Sheriff John Robertson’s resignation effective June 26 and tentatively appointed Capt. Oscar Ortiz…
Soil contamination from a dry cleaners that once operated next door is being cleaned up.
BottleRock Napa Valley will return on Labor Day weekend with headline artists Guns N’ Roses, Stevie Nicks, Foo Fighters, Miley Cyrus, Megan Th…
Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach: www.martynemko.com, mnemko@comcast.net . . . and husband of Napa County Schools Superintendent, Barbara Nemko. They’re proud parents of their daughter and the world’s sweetest doggie.
"relationship" - Google News
May 31, 2021 at 12:31AM
https://ift.tt/3fyaXa0
Marty Nemko, How To Do Life: Tweaking a long-term relationship - Napa Valley Register
"relationship" - Google News
https://ift.tt/2QDgTSV
https://ift.tt/3dklxNV
Bagikan Berita Ini
0 Response to "Marty Nemko, How To Do Life: Tweaking a long-term relationship - Napa Valley Register"
Post a Comment