If you notice your reaction is stemming from past wounds or inner conflict, it may not be the best time to confront the issue with your partner. "If you are feeling rage, extremely irritable, or aggressive, it is not a good time to confront a problem," Ajjan says. "Those emotions increase the chances of having an unproductive and possibly out-of-control exchange."
Making space to process your emotions before directing them at someone else doesn't always mean you're "letting something go." It may instead prepare space for a more productive conversation.
The same is true if you notice these highly reactionary behaviors in your partner. Instead of confronting them when they're short-tempered, it might be best to give them space and approach the subject once they've cooled down.
On the other hand, if you're a people-pleaser, you may benefit from "practicing" confrontation, Muñoz says. This is because people-pleasers tend to silence their own needs in order to accommodate their partner, and over time this can lead to resentment, she explains.
Instead of letting things go, Muñoz says, "You might take baby steps, like saying I'm not sure whether this is something I want to let go of or confront, but since swallowing my feelings only leads to resentment, I'd like to try being honest and direct with you about how I feel."
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February 02, 2021 at 06:07PM
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