Roger Butler is an educator specialising in relationships, sexuality and self-development. His business, Curious Creatures, offers a range of relevant resources, workshops and activities.
Jealousy, he says, can occur almost anywhere. ‘‘In congruently monogamous relationships, in wildly open relationships, and everything in between. On a really simple level, jealousy often suggests that there’s something to do with one’s inner landscape, or the relationship, that needs to change. And while it’s not always super easy or quick to fix these things, they are nevertheless fixable, or at least manageable.”
Butler and Deveze have collaborated to create a workshop to explore this. There are many different types of jealousy, Butler says. ‘‘Knowing which you’re suffering from helps to highlight what you might be able to do to bring more happiness back. At our workshop, Opening Up to Opening Up; A Deep Dive Into Non-Monogamy, we explore different types of jealousy, and dive into what it looks like to address them. We also explore a whole range of open relationship structures, but there’s no assumption that being open is right for everyone.
“This workshop is not designed as a breezy walk in the park. It’s a nuanced and in-depth deep-dive into what’s required for an intentional, deliberate relationship. We expect you to come out of it with a good sense of what you’re up for, and what you’re not up for.”
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In this workshop you will encounter a word that I had never heard before, but that is widely used in discussions about non-monogamy and jealousy – ‘‘compersion’’. This is the opposite of, and a potential antidote to, jealousy, and describes that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you witness someone else’s happiness. American relationship coach, Joli Hamilton, has a particular interest in healthy polyamory. Her TedTalk, Compersion – the Opposite of Jealousy, explains the concept more fully.
Once you and your partner are informed, and equipped to discuss your own situation constructively, you will be more likely to come to an agreement. Like many arranged marriages, you might not be “in love”, but love might grow from having the courage to explore this issue together.
Email: abtlastnight@gmail.com
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About Last Night: He's wonderful but he wants an open relationship - Brisbane Times
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