New relationships are so exciting that you may be tempted to overlook the occasional disagreement. The truth is that, while turning a blind eye to your differences can keep the peace temporarily, it's not a long-term solution.
Relationships take work and understanding to maintain. That's why it is important to understand the problems that come up in new relationships before you get into one. With this knowledge, you can prepare for how to solve these issues if they arise.
Here are some of the most common relationship problems that couples face, along with possible solutions and online therapy advice as the most effective one.
Problem 1: Poor Communication
You've found yourself in the middle of a couple problem and can't quite think of what to say. Your words seem to get stuck in your throat and you feel like you are going to explode.
In fact, it's not so much that something is wrong with your mouth but how you're mapping out the conversation in your mind.
Solution: Practice Mind Mapping Before You Discuss Big Issues With Your Partner
Have a list of points ready before you talk with your partner about an important issue. Highlight which ones need more information, or should be saved for another time.
Outline what order they should go in, and note where overlap will occur if there are multiple ways a discussion could take place.
Once you have a list of points, decide on the best order to discuss them. It's helpful to avoid going in circles or using circular logic where one point is assumed because another is said.
Problem 2: Not Giving or Getting Enough Space
You're finally with the person of your dreams. Maybe you'd been crushing on them for a while, or it was love at first sight. Either way, you're in a new relationship and all you want to do is spend your days and nights with them.
But, your partner doesn't want the same thing. To you, it's rejection, especially if you have an anxious attachment style. To them, it's simply needing some space.
Solution: Learn What the Other Needs In Terms of Space
Having time apart is necessary for a healthy relationship. It allows each of you to maintain your own sense of identity. Rather than neediness and clinginess, it fosters a sense of independence and strength.
If you're struggling to give or get space in a new relationship, it's important to draw healthy boundaries. Communicate your expectations to your partner, and come up with a solution that works.
Here are some questions to ask and answer for a fruitful discussion on healthy boundaries:
- Why do they need space?
- How much space do they want?
- How can you check in while still giving them space?
Ask these questions out of genuine curiosity, and not defensiveness. The answers might help find the balance between clinginess and too much space.
Problem 3: Not Liking Each Other’s Friends
You're dating someone new and you love them. It's early days, but already they seem like the one. You want to expand your social circle to include their friends.
Only thing is, after meeting their friends a few times you can't get along with them. They're not your kind of people, or they don't share the same values as you.
Solution: Accept Their Friends for Who They Are
Some people are hard to get along with for various reasons. Maybe it's because of differences in personality, cultural background or upbringing, etc… When it comes down to it they might be nice people, just not your cup of tea.
If you can't deal with your significant other's friends in a healthy way, it might be because you're unwilling to see past their perceived flaws. Think about it this way: there must be a good reason why your significant other chose these friendships.
Resist the urge to make your partner choose between you and them — doing so might result in a relationship crisis or worse, a breakup. Be honest about not getting along with them, and only hang out with them if you really have to.
One exception to the rule is if their friends are toxic. Don’t hesitate to let your partner know about any unfair or hurtful behavior directed towards you. This can be a tricky issue, but don’t overlook your discomfort just to keep your spouse happy.
Problem 4: Feeling Like You're Being Used for Money or Material Things
Money problems happen more often than not — it's just part of adult life. Maybe your partner makes all the money but doesn't contribute enough at home. Or maybe you make more than them, and feel like they're using you for money.
In any case, if one of you is making significantly more or less than the other it can cause a problem in a relationship.
Solution: Talk About What Each of You Wants Out of the Relationship
There are always exceptions to this rule. But generally speaking, if there's an imbalance in your financial situation it can lead to resentment. Resentment is sometimes the trigger for unhealthy or even abusive relationships.
It doesn't have to be all about money – maybe they don't do their fair share around the house or with chores. Nobody likes being used for their stuff or cash.
Talk about each of your needs and goals out of the relationship so that neither person feels taken advantage of. Decide on how to split bills and if necessary, you can write up a budget. Or have a sit-down about who does which chores, and how often.
Like most problems in relationships, this one is best solved by having honest and constructive conversations.
Problem 5: Having Differing Opinions on an Important Topic
Whether it's religion, politics, or a favorite football team your partner will probably have some different opinions from you.
It’s to be expected — each of you has gone through life with different experiences and formed different opinions. Differing opinions can be a problem in relationships when couples don’t know how to disagree respectfully.
Solution: Find Respect in Your Disagreements
Respect is earned through time and understanding. If you're in the early stages of a relationship there's an opportunity to learn how to respect each other's opinions. You can also use this as a learning experience on how to disagree without conflict.
As you begin to understand your partner, and they understand you, arguments should become easier because you know what pushes each other's buttons. Be mindful of the way you phrase things so that it doesn't come across as disrespect for their views.
Also, try not to make them feel like their opinion is wrong or stupid just because it differs from yours.
If in your early relationship stage there are some big differences in your opinions such as religion or politics, keep the discussion respectful by asking questions instead of making statements.
If necessary, ask advice from trusted friends who are familiar with both sides of the argument.
Problem 6: Insecurities Over Your Partner's Background or Education
Insecurity is one of those tricky issues because everyone struggles with it at different times, but some people tend to deal with it more often.
As a couple, you should learn to support each other's efforts in dealing with insecurity by being there when one of you needs help.
Solution: Focus on What You Have and What You Don't
You may feel insecure about how well your partner can provide for you, whether it be financially or emotionally. The way this affects your relationship is by making you feel like they aren't as good as someone else that comes along.
The problem with comparing yourself to others is that it doesn't change who you are, what you have, or your situation at hand. It only makes things worse by adding unnecessary stress into the relationship such as:
- Doubts about how they feel about their current situation
- And acting on those doubts which decreases the trust partners place in each other
When you feel insecure, take a step back from the situation and take a look at your life. What is it about your current situation that makes you feel this way?
There may be things you can do to improve the situation but sometimes there are things we can't control and just have to accept that for what it is.
Don't let insecurity ruin your relationship by dwelling on it. Instead, work through the problem with your partner because they're probably going through similar struggles themselves.
The Bottom Line
The key to relationship success is balance: giving yourself some time away from each other without breaking contact, compromising what you want sometimes without resorting to unconditional self-sacrifice.
However, it's not always possible to solve relationship difficulties on your own. That’s why seeing an online therapist on Calmerry may help.
You get someone to provide guidance on how to navigate the issues you’re facing. Getting counseling for problems in a relationship can make the difference between a fulfilling, long-lasting connection and one that ends before it even begins.
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6 Early Relationship Problems and Ways To Cope with Them - The African Exponent
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