She cites research from psychologist Ellen Langer, Ph.D., who studies mindfulness and marital satisfaction: "[Langer] says, 'Nobody has ever come to me after 50 years of marriage and said I'm bored of my dog, or I'm bored of my plant, or I'm bored of my kid,'" Boardman recounts.
But for some reason, we can feel "bored" with a long-term partner; according to Boardman (and Langer), that may be because we have an expectation of change for dogs, plants, children, etc. But for our partners? Eh, not so much. When you're incredibly close to somebody, you may think you know them inside and out—and maybe you do!—but this notion can sometimes close the door on the possibility for change.
"There's some beauty in accepting the 'unknowableness' of somebody and priming yourself to look for what's different about that person rather than retreating into, 'I know what they're going to do, I know the end of this movie,'" Boardman says. "Instead of looking for what you know, look for something that's different about them in some way."
Of course, it's important to accept and love your partner for who they are; and you don't want to make them feel like they have to change, either. It's about shifting your own perspective, says Boardman: Try to view your partner as an evolving human being with the possibility of change (because they are) rather than predicting exactly what they're going to do or say. Chances are, you'll actually learn something new.
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August 27, 2021 at 07:24PM
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I'm A Positive Psychiatrist: My One Tip To Never Get Bored In Relationships - mindbodygreen.com
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