Is your relationship healthy?
Is it based on trust, communication, and mutual respect?
Or are things out of alignment?
A lot of people feel quite confident in their relationships, but if you’re here reading this article, chances are you’re not feeling entirely sure about yours.
The truth is that all relationships can improve, but some are built on solid foundations while others are in danger of collapse.
Will your relationship last?
Well, if your partner does these 12 things, you don’t have a healthy relationship, and you either need to make changes or start to think about finding something new.
1) They abuse you
If your partner abuses you physically or sexually, you are in a seriously unhealthy relationship, and it’s time to get out right now.
But abuse may not always be so obvious.
Emotional or psychological abuse can be much harder to recognize, but it can also be just as sinister and just as damaging to the victim.
This kind of abuse uses words and actions to take away your personal power and attack your self-confidence.
In can involve doing things to keep you afraid, isolated, or withdrawn.
If you feel intimidated and completely controlled by your partner all the time, it’s time to get help to get out of that unhealthy relationship.
2) They belittle you
I had a sort of friend once who was a really interesting, exciting guy.
But I hated the way he treated his wife, and it made it really hard to spend any time with them.
He was constantly belittling her, calling her stupid, and even mocking and making fun of her in front of other people.
She always seemed to take it with a grain of salt, but I just couldn’t see how that constant barrage of negativity wasn’t affecting her self-esteem.
Well, it was, and a few years ago, she divorced him. She’s in a new relationship and is far happier now that she’s away from all that negativity that made her feel small.
3) They gaslight you
Does your partner always tell you that you are wrong, that your feelings don’t make any sense, or that what you think is incorrect or irrelevant?
In a normal, healthy relationship, this happens sometimes – you can’t agree on everything, after all.
But if this is a consistent pattern, then it’s gaslighting.
This behavior has one goal – to control you.
By telling you again and again that what you think and feel is wrong, your partner is taking away your personal power and making you dependent on them for direction.
And that’s anything but healthy.
4) Your partner follows you through social media
Does your partner keep such close tabs on you that they always know where you are and who you’re with?
It could be because they’re tracking you through your posts on Facebook or Instagram.
Even if you don’t post pictures or your location, they can often find you because you’re seen in pictures or tagged in posts by other people.
The problem isn’t social media – the problem here is a lack of trust, so they feel they can’t let you out of their sight and will use any tools at their disposal to track you.
5) They actually track you
Like me, you probably take your phone with you everywhere you go.
But you may not be aware of the possibility that you’re being tracked by software secretly loaded onto it.
I first found out about spyware years ago when a friend told me he was using it.
He had snuck a program onto his girlfriend’s phone that would track her location. But more than that, it sent him copies of every text she sent or received, plus automatically phoned him anytime she was on a call and let him secretly listen in.
I couldn’t believe this even existed!
But it sure did, and he broke up with her one day when she told him she was in one location, but he could see that she was somewhere else.
Yes, she was caught lying, but if there was such deep distrust in the relationship that he felt he needed to use spyware, he should have already known things were doomed.
6) They make you video call them
I’m starting to wonder why so many people I know have such unhealthy relationships..!
I have another friend who can’t go anywhere or do anything without his wife calling him.
But it’s never a voice call. She always demands he turn on the video and give her a 360-degree look at where he is and who he’s with.
I can’t imagine living with such distrust, and I’m glad my partner and I don’t feel the need to do this with each other!
7) They cheat
Have you caught your partner cheating before?
It happens, and for many couples, this is an obstacle that they find themselves able to work through even though it’s such a major betrayal of trust.
But what happens if your partner does it again and again?
Once could be an error in judgment or a moment of weakness.
But if your partner cheats repeatedly, it’s a clear sign they don’t respect you and your relationship together, and there’s nothing healthy about that.
8) They keep you isolated
Sure, when you first meet and fall in love, you can feel like you never want to leave your partner’s side or be with anyone else.
But you’re still a complete person with interests, hobbies, friends, and family.
But if your partner keeps you isolated from these things that you need in your life, they’re not working towards a healthy relationship.
They don’t have to do this in a sinister way, either.
They just might want to have you all to themselves. But even then, they can smother you by denying your need to do your own thing and to spend time with other people you value.
9) They’re overly jealous
When you have someone you really love and care about, it’s natural to want to keep that feeling for yourself.
A little jealousy is natural, and some people even like it when their partners get a little bit jealous because it shows that they’re valued and wanted.
But there are limits.
My same friend with the video-calling wife also has this problem, but this time, it’s both of them.
They both seem to think that the other is super attractive. Great, right?
Not when they’re constantly suspicious of each other with anyone else they come into contact with.
They fight constantly about it but still spend almost all their time together because they’re too jealous to let each other out of their sight.
Doesn’t sound healthy or fun, does it?
10) They’re not honest about money
Money is one of the biggest issues in relationships to navigate.
Some couples choose to combine and share their resources with joint bank accounts with equal access. Others keep things separated.
But no matter how you deal with your resources, things should be clear and open if you want things to stay healthy.
But if your partner is being dishonest or sneaky about money, whether it’s your money together or even just their own, this isn’t a healthy way to interact.
It could be a sign that they have some sort of financial problem they’re hiding from you. Or it can just show that they don’t respect you and feel they don’t have to take your feelings into consideration.
11) They try to control you
Do you feel like your partner tries to control you?
Do they like to dictate what you wear, where you go, who you meet, and what you do with your time?
Think about it, because control can be subtle.
For example, they might not tell you explicitly not to see certain people, but they might instead express their dislike for them and constantly tell you why they’re not good for you.
This is still control because it’s all about them making decisions for you rather than you making up your own mind.
12) Your partner always comes first
If your partner always puts themself first and makes you do the same, then you don’t have a balanced, healthy relationship.
Sometimes, you have to make choices between what you and your partner want, and that’s just one of the normal challenges of a relationship.
But if you’re always living on your partner’s schedule, yielding to their opinion, and generally building your life around them, then you’re getting lost in the mix.
This makes an unhealthy, lopsided relationship that’s only going to be fulfilling to one of you.
Conclusion
If your partner is some or all of these 12 things, you don’t have a healthy relationship.
I’m sorry to say, but it’s time to reassess what you want and need and then take steps to change this relationship or get out and build a new one.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
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